Transparency...
For me, like many things in my walk with God, it is a truth previously discovered, but not continuously lived. As of late, I have been on a journey of rediscovering this quality in my own life. My natural bent towards introspection and time alone has, I think, caused me to drift from transparency into a nice, comfy, secluded area of my heart, and to be frank...I like it here :)
Mind you, I'm not hiding in the mountains, with my Bible and a large stockpile of MRE's; it is not an external exclusion of people, but an internal one. I have no troubles including people in what is happening with my life, or at work, or with what I saw on the news the other day; but we all know that these topics shield us from talking about our true selves; they protect us from ever having to unveil the true nature of our struggles and wounds.
The problem with this is that in community, safety is not the most important thing...sharing is (koinenia: lit. sharing all things in common).
The Confessions of St. Augustine (his autobiography), were not as much of a theological masterpiece (though it was one), as it was a literary one. The Confessions was the first autobiographical work of note *. People in the ancient world, quite simply, did not write about themselves.
Augustine in his raw style, talks about his conversion, his doubts, and even his sexual addiction. Such confessions, would take bravery in our culture, let alone in one where there was no precedent for it. What a noble example for us who follow, of a man who was weak, yet that was great.
I am reminded of the command to "confess your sins one to another...that you may be healed". Now, there is usually no redemptive work being done in these conversations (meaning they are unnecessary for forgiveness from God,) but what we are doing, is experiencing for the first time the biblical reality that "no temptation has seized us except that which is common to man". We find that we are not alone in our struggles; and we begin to tread lightly and not without fear into the struggles of another man or woman's heart, and this not to judge...but to heal.
It is in this way that we enter into community; it is in this place we discover that we weren't "alone at being alone", and it is in this circle that we, with boldness, will make our true confession.
That's good, but hard...I like keeping my heart concealed, but at the same time it's screaming to be released. For some reason, I can't let it be released. I'm prideful and not afraid to admit it. I don't want people to see me. It's a good word levi. Thanks for sharing. It's challenging and convicting.
ReplyDeleteyour point is driven home by your anonymity :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, Levi. Not that this should have been surprising but you write very well. I wouldn't be surprise if you will one day write a book :) although it might be too deep for me to read... hahaha.
ReplyDeleteWhat you said about community is true and that it is much easier to conceal than to reveal for it feels safer. However, it can be dangerous to hide because in darkness is where Satan can have a stronghold and can perverse truth. I have found that especially true in the recent weeks where thoughts of death were a daily, even hourly occurence until I decided to share it because I knew that was the only way to be free of it even though those thoughts sometimes even brought me comfort. But thank God for community. We were created to be in community, first with God, then with man. It is in community that we can function and grow just like how we were meant to.